When They Wins, We All Win

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he-she-theyA few weeks ago, the American Dialect Society announced the 2015 Word of the Year: the singular “they.” (Lest anyone doubt the authority of the American Dialect Society, let me point out that its “word-of-the-year” event is “the word-of-the-year event up to which all others lead,” according to the—wait for it—website of the American Dialect Society.)

In honor of that decision, which I have no doubt is being applauded by most true “grammar nerds” despite what the Washington Post might think, I’m reprising a piece I wrote on this very subject several years ago. In those days, the focus of my blog was writing tips, but the singular they is not just about strong writing. It’s about diversity. In my piece, I talk about it as a perfect solution for the real and important problem of sexist language. The American Dialect Society went even further, describing a relatively newer usage of “they” as an “identifier for someone who may identify as ‘non-binary’ in gender terms.” In other words, it’s the answer to what to call someone who says they are neither a he nor a she.

Now, without further ado, I bring you:

The Pronoun Problem (Reprise)

It was so easy when I was growing up. We were taught that “he” referred to all humans, of either sex, and we believed it. In fact it didn’t and, as an excellent analysis I just came across points out, throughout history it hardly ever has. Jacobson, who wrote the piece back in 1995, uses this wonderfully oddball example to prove that we don’t read “he” as referring to both men and women:

“The average American needs the small routines of getting ready for work. As he shaves or blow-dries his hair or pulls on his pantyhose, he is easing himself by small stages into the demands of the day.”

(Sadly, my original link to this analysis is now locked to users without a password. However, if you google “Carolyn Jacobson some notes on gender-neutral language” you can find and download it as a Google Doc.)

In fact, the use of “man” and male pronouns to refer to human beings reflects a society in which men are the only beings considered fully human. As the second wave of feminism came along to spread this news, we looked for alternatives. It was relatively simple to substitute “human” for “man” and “humanity” (or even “people”) for “men.” But the problem of singular pronouns—what to do about “he” and “his”—was a much greater one. The problem first arose sometime in the 1970s. Forty-plus years later, we still haven’t figured out how to deal with it.

What to do about gender neutrality?

First, some ground rules. Some folks are still on the fence about this. Hold-outs continue to use “he” as a universal pronoun. But every major stylebook advises against it, and I, personally, think it is inexcusable.

“He” and “him” refer to a man, a boy, or a male animal. Period. You can no more use “he” to refer to people of both sexes than you can use “boy” to refer to a grown African-American man. This is not something anyone should have a choice about anymore–it is part of the evolution of our understanding about human rights and the role language plays in creating—or shutting down—change.

Beyond that, however, you have some choices. Sadly, none of them is very good:

1. You can replace he with “he or she” and him with “him or her.” He or she who hesitates is lost.

2. You can skip the “or” and say “he/she,” “him/her,” or opt for a slimmed down look and say “s/he” (which, however, begs the question of what to do about “him” and “her”). S/he who hesitates is lost.

3. You can try to re-write the sentence completely to leave out pronouns: The person who hesitates is lost.

4. You can turn every problematic singular sentence into a plural one: Those who hesitate are lost.

5. In certain contained circumstances, you can alternate the use of “he” and “she:”

A person who isn’t quite sure what to do next has several choices:

  • She can consider her options carefully, and make a thoughtful decision.
  • He can ask others for advice.
  • She can hesitate, and be lost.

The problem is, solutions like these are cumbersome at best, unworkable at worst. “He or she,” which is more clear than alternating the use of “he” and “she,” and just slightly more professional and formal than “s/he,” can result in impossibly convoluted language, especially when it involves other pronoun forms. Consider:

“Every employee should talk to his or her manager about what he or she needs to do in order to complete his or her project.” It’s enough to make the writer gag and the reader jump off his or her ledge.

Option four, re-writing a sentence to turn it from singular to plural, is the one I see recommended most often, but it works better in some cases than in others. “Employees should talk to their managers about what they need to do in order to complete their projects,” is not too bad, except for the possible confusion about whether individual employees each have multiple managers or projects or just one apiece. But compare these alternatives:

Every man must listen to his conscience, following the voice in his head.

All people must listen to their consciences, following the voices in their heads.

Not only does the original sentence lose quite a bit of poetic (if clichéd) punch in the pluralized version, it veers dangerously close to a prescription for mass schizophrenia.

Reader, there is a fifth option. It’s in common use informally, but represents a radical step for formal grammar and is far from universally accepted. Nonetheless, it is out there, being debated and approved by even some among the grammatical establishment. It’s the use of the singular “they.” (Alas, another lost link. That stuff you hear about the internet being forever? Baloney.)

The fact is, as grammarians will point out, the singular “they” (if a person hesitates, they are lost) has been around for a long time. As Arnold notes (trust me) in the (lost) link above, it can be found in the works of Shakespeare, Austen and Dickens, among others. The arguments against its use seem to have originated in the same misguided attempts to mold English around Latin that led to the now-abandoned argument against splitting infinitives.

The singular “they” allows us to put away convoluted attempts to neutralize gender in one swift move, no muss, no fuss. Although it can sound odd, I have gradually come to the conclusion that it is the most elegant solution we English-speakers have to this problem-that-will-not-die.

That doesn’t mean I use it. Most of my work involves writing communications for others and I know usage of the singular “they” in formal writing is still unacceptable to most. Even in my own work, it still often sounds awkward and grating, and I find myself re-writing sentences to avoid it.

But having decided it is, ultimately, the best solution, I have vowed to start using it more. It’s a matter of conscience for me, because ultimately, it’s about removing the language’s built-in bigotry. As for you, you’ll have to decide for yourself. Everyone must listen to their conscience, and do what they think is right.

Most of my writing these days is about making workplaces more humane and just. Check out the archives to see what I mean. Then sign up to follow me and get it delivered directly to your inbox, whenever I manage to eke out a new one. And while you’re waiting… need help with a writing project? I’m your person. Contact me and let’s set up a time to talk.

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Comments

  1. Seems if you’re committed to it, you should be committed to it all the way. that way people will get used to it, even if it sounds odd. Too, other writers will commit to using it in their work. And it won’t after a while sound awkward; just like using the word person did years ago; as in “chairman,” now commonly accepted and not awkward sounding “chairperson,” etc.

    But thanks for bringing this subject to our attention, one that grammarians and probably more often English teachers wrestle with, an issue like not ending a sentence with a pronoun.

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